Chaaaaange

I guess it's finally time for me to take the time again and start to post blog entries every now and then (at least, entries that won't involve physical and/or mental breakdowns on my part)

Now that I've already driven off the sadists waiting for stories of my torment, how to antagonize even more possible readers? Hmm...Ah! Politics.

Let's have a rational and neutral discussion about your candidate debate. By which I mean, "let me ridicule your current and your possible next presidents."
At the moment, even though my TV is still refusing to receive any broadcasts, I'm still feeling bombarded by that whole "Who's da Prez"(candidate) issue. And I like to remind y'all that I don't even live on the same continent as the United States. Needless to say, I'm annoyed. Because, even if I'm well-informed about the issue, which I usually prefer in political topics, I won't have any say in the matter anyway. I do have the power to whine about, though.

Let's look at the choices you have. Your current supreme ruler isn't electable anymore. That means, since you're essentially a two-party-country, usually two candidates. I'm not including Ralph Nader or the Greens in this, because, let's face it: While Nader might have a chance of entering the Guinness Book of Records at some point (Most consecutive runnings for president, 1992 - 2036), the actual chances are rather slim, since better arguments won't win you an election, see "Re: The Dolt vs. Horseface" in 2004, and also, even the majority of votes won't guarantee you a win, see "Re: Re: The Dolt vs. Global Warming" in 2000.

Interestingly, this time, we have twist with an additional candidate, since the Democrats still haven't made up their mind yet. That leaves you with three choices: White Bitch, Black Jesus, and Old Faithful.

And now comes the tricky part: Are you able to vote for one of those candidates without those descriptive labels "Woman", "Black" or "Veteran"? The thing is, everyone has them in the back of his/her mind when deciding who is the best of them in their opinion. Yet, as soon as you point that out, you're either sexist, racist, or unpatriotic. This is fairly easy to spot once you begin to mix around.

An example: Imagine John McCain was a woman. Suddenly, his chances of becoming president begin to drop. Why? Not because of the big blond wig and the red lipstick, mind you. People have no problem electing female heads of state, The Iron Lady, or our Darth Merkel with her Weapons of Mass Distraction are the best examples. It's just that a Mrs. McCain would have the stigma of being too old. Ever seen a 71-year-old woman running around claiming a high political office? I won't say there won't be any, but as soon as they have to face elections, they have fewer chances. It's the old little saying: "When men age, they get more charming. When women age, they get more ugly". Sad, and certainly unfair, but still true.

Second example: Make Clinton male. Suddenly, she's way less "cold". Women are supposed to be more sympathetic with your issues, have that motherly attitude. It's her gender that kinda gets her the air of being a cold-hearted bitch. If a man acts cold-hearted, it's forgiven sooner, because it's more expected. If a woman does the same, it's regarded as an attack out of left field. Of course, being a woman can also be used nicely, like crying yourself back into the hearts of millions. If a man cried, he'd be out of the race in under five seconds. But don't get me wrong, if Clinton has to, she will order your Death By Airlock.

Thirdly: Douse poor Mr. Obama in a shower of bleach to make him white(Not that white though, please.), and call him Steve. Wow. Isn't he boring now? Also, he loses his ability to appear as the Second Kennedy. Plus, he predictably loses his appeal on the African-American populace. Why? Is a white male so utterly unsuitable to speak for all Americans, regardless of color? (If you answer that one with "yes", then Barack Obama is in return unsuitable for representing the Whites/Latinos/Whathaveyou, which is the majority.)
Also, Steve Obama's Speeches about the Chaaaaange the country needs, and the Chaaaaange in the government, are way less believable now. (Granted, his opponents jumped on the whole Chaaaaange train, but only because they realized it worked.). Because, if you look more closely, and strip away Obama's undoubtedly charismatic face and the whole "vision" and the youtube-videos blending him together with frickin' Martin Luther King, which just rubs me in a really wrong way, then you discover remarkably few details to his whole "Chaaaaanging America" plan. I mean, it's part of the deal that candidates try to hold the nasty details like tax raises and unpopular decisions until after the election, and McCain and Clinton are no different. But apart from the fact that Obama was against the Iraq war and him pointing fingers, "but the Bad Bad Mrs. Clinton said yes", I know little about his real political agenda. And all I do find are quotes out of the last year as a candidate, so I can't know if he's always been of those opinions, or if he just shells out everything his voters want to hear.

Oh, and another thing: Presidental candidates all try to sell that they're standing up for the Poor Lower-Middle-Class People trying to meet ends with three-and-a-half jobs. And they caaaare so much for them. Just remember two things, though:

1) Presidental candidates seldom know what lower-class or even lower middle-class means. You know McCain and Clinton are White Suburbians. And "Man of the People"-Obama? His Dad went to Harvard, his later stepdad was a manager for an oil company, Barack himself went to Indonesian private schools.
2) If you want to win an election in the USA, you have to spend the big bucks. That means you either have them yourself, or you need to get donations. Where'd you get the biggest donations? Well, corporations, and other rich people. Duh. Why will they give you the money? Because they expect something in return. Dubya was supported by big oil companies, so what will he do? Tax them for environmental destruction and use the money to create a green economy? Please. Your Li'l Shrub may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even he isn't that dumb. And Clinton, Obama and McCain will have to rely on the same kind of money.

So, kids, keep those words of mine in mind when you vote, and maybe we'll end up with the Lesser Evil this time. For my part, I will wholeheartedly support Hillary. Hillary Hussein Rodham-McCain Jr., that is.