My work is stressful. Usually, when I get home, the first thing on my mind is "everything but thinking". Which invariably ends with me parking my ass on the couch to watch the telly.
It seems, last friday, my brain did not appreciate this kind of "switch brain on, switch brain off" behaviour. Plus, the stuff in the tv was even more brain-cell-killing than usual, so I guess my brain started working in pure self-defense.
It started off as one of those musings about "yeah. I wanna learn new languages someday." You know, one of these half-assed things you tell yourself you'll do once you have "the time", "the money"? Like rock climbing, doing sports, calling your great-aunt? Yeah, if you're anything like me, you'll never do any of those things.
I lazily surfed the web for some good vocabulary trainer. byki seemed like a good idea, what with the shared lists and stuff. Then I found Rosetta Stone software, which I found awesome - until I saw the price tag attached, that is. Because as much as I like to learn Spanish in a very natural way, I'm not paying 699 US $ for it. Because for 699 $, I fully expect this software not only to teach me foreign languages, but also to shine my shoes, wash my car, and do my taxes.
Conclusion: I'm either too cheap or too poor to learn languages. Plus, I'm lazy. Time to reevaluate my assets. How about a quick-and-dirty-method? You're a programmer. Not a particularly good one, but it's enough to draft together a little app to teach yourself. By combining the list idea of byki and the "learn-by-show-and-tell", and some easy vocabulary lists, some stuff that means the same in every language. Can't be THAT hard.
Yeah, that's the point where the linguists in my readership probably burst out laughing. You know, if there actually were linguists in my readership. Or if I HAD a readership, but anyway.
The thing is, I wanted some basics, to make yourself comprehensible in a foreign country, a kind of Pidgin, if you will. For example, "[Ich-sehen-rot-Auto-vorn-links]" (=[I-see-red-car-front-left]) is not correct German, since you lose all the conjugations and stuff (It would be something like "Ich sehe ein rotes Auto (da) vorne links"), but people would be at least able to communicate simple concepts, such as "Can you point me to the airport", or "help, I need to find a police officer!". Or at the very least, "Where's the bathroom?" - because, do you really wanna take a dump in the middle of the Champs-Élysées just because you can't figure out how to get people to point at the nearest loo? I mean, tourists have a bad enough image as it is.
The problems, however, start at the very core of the language, with such as words as "to be". Because, "I am in the garden"/[I-be-in-garden] translates easily into German as "Ich bin im Garten"/[Ich-sein-in-Garten].
But: "yo soy en el jardin"/[yo-ser-in-jardin] won't work, since to a native spanish this would imply "I am the garden." So unless you don't want some Spanish to think you're trying to invent a new verse to a certain Simon & Garfunkel song, you have to use the correct verb "estar".
So, essentially, to get a list of common simple words that won't have a double meaning. Well, that's a necessary database approach. This bloats your entries however. Plus, you lose stuff, since if you don't learn that "be" means both "estar" and "ser", you won't use it, and get confused if the natives do. So you'd need links. This all combined with the original idea of using simple pictograms so you'll learn the word naturally instead of simply translating it. And this is not even counting pitfalls like double meaning or false friends....This might need a teensy bit more work than I thought it would.
Meh. Now my head hurts. See, kids? This is what thinking will get you.
Showing posts with label teshik teaches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teshik teaches. Show all posts
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Monday, November 09, 2009
Cultural Memory
“Wir sind zu Ihnen gekommen, um Ihnen mitzuteilen, dass heute Ihre Ausreise…”
"...das tritt nach meiner Kenntnis...ist das sofort, err... unverzüglich."
There are a few sentences, a few pictures, that are so ingrained in the brain that you'd probably remember them even after a concentrated gamma ray burst, applied directly to your forehead.
There are probably international, and national versions of cultural memory. First off, some international ones that should be known all over the world, assuming you do have a TV. (which means, about 4 billion people are excused, as well as some Amish).
Run, Kim Phuc, Run
By the end of this decade
Road Blocker
Convention? Bah, Geneva, Shmeveva
...And Y'all Knew This One Was Coming, Too.
Jesus Fuckin' Christ, indeed.
One of my exactly two readers: "Baaah. History. That's so fuckin' boring. Tell us funny stories, Teshik, if I was interested in old stuff, I wouldn't be skipping school right now."
Teshik: (socks him/her in the face) Then don't read my friggin' blog, loser.
Then, there's stuff I presume every American will surely recognize:
The Turtle's always right
The cheery "deedle-dum-dum" music is especially surreal giving the context.
Do Solemny Swear
...and the...errr...kind of graphic footage that comes just a few hours before, of course.
And You Think YOU Hate Going To School
If you look at German cultural memory, there are two very prominent themes. One of them regards history before 1945, and for obvious reasons, they are making us feel very queasy, embarrassed and vaguely guilty even though almost all people responsible have been dead for decades.
It's really hard to describe this collective feeling of awkwardness. Imagine a person who, at the local sports stadium during a major event where he was supposed to sing the national anthem. But instead of singing, he dropped down his pants, urinated over the guests of honor in the front row, threw feces at the athletes, and proceeded to run around naked screaming about how much he likes to fuck children.
NOW imagine you're the father or mother of said person, and EACH and EVERYONE in the stadium knows that. No one could directly hold you responsible for that horrible incident, buuuut....
And now you know why Germans still have major issues with their own self-image - and why they probably won't get a permanent seat in the UN security council, even though we...err, definitely know the importance of getting the right singer for the anthem, metaphorically speaking.
The other major part of German cultural memory is directly linked to the aftermath of that unfortunate incident. To stay in the increasingly strained metaphor, after the anthem singer was taken into custody, the policemen disagreed what to do with them: put him into an asylum for rehabilitation, or let him rot in prison as a punishment? In the end, they settled on simply doing both. Oh, and spend the next decades arguing about which way is better.
And so, since Germans really, really didn't want to think of the incident, they concentrated on the bullshit their wardens came up with. Which, let's face it, even though they saved our ass from the stadium mob, became more and more retarded. As in, everyone just carry around big huge-ass bombs, just in case the other warden had a cranky day. Hell, let's even put bombs in the prison cells of the Germans, and other inmates! Because giving people who are considered justifiable insane by all participants, REALLY should have bombs available!
The German singer didn't protest (much). From his perspective of things, he just woke up with a massive hangover, and suspects he might have done something he really, really regrets - and now he realizes: both of his wardens are batshit insane. Or would you say that the theory "he won't attack me, because then we'll ALL die in flames & fire, even the innocent bystanders" really is a surefire way to all-over SECURITY?
Okay, we can't blame everything on Soviets or Americans (Although we really really like to sometimes. Having someone to hate simply makes life easier, I guess). In fact, one of the biggest lies every German knows comes from one of our own, former-Soviet-marionette Number One Walter Ulbricht:
"Niemand hat die Absicht eine Mauer zu errichten." and I already told a nice little fairy-tale without happy end about that one. But I didn't include the pictures. Photos can be found here. (the second one is the one generally better known.)
Iconic pictures also include this one here, this should also be known across our borders, since it's one of the most iconic in the whole Cold War issue. Another film clip everyone over the age of 25 knows is of the woman escaping East Berlin by jumping out of a building:
(she appears around 3:15, I couldn't find a shorter one with the scene in it)
Eight years prior to the building of the Berlin Wall, these scenes had happened.
One thing that always strikes me as incredible is the part where the people start throwing rocks, even though their opponents have fucking tanks, which can turn you into human mincemeat in about five seconds. (This also goes for the unknown chinese guy above)
Another important picture is of former Bundeskanzler Willy Brandt, kneeling. Why is this one important? Well, this answer's complex. First of all, let's look at this map.
I kinda did lie when I said Germany was divided in two, because, see, actually, there are four sections: West Germany, East Germany, Western Poland, and a little bit of Soviet Union. Western Poland fell to Poland after the War because
1) Germany had to be punished (fair enough),
2) Poland had lost its own eastern part to the Soviets just a few years back, and
3) the Soviets ain't giving anything back, nuh-uh!
So, a shitload of Soviets were carted over into Ex-Poland, and a shitload of Germans in turn were carted into rest-Germany. The refugees wanted their stuff back, however. So acknowledging that Poland finally could hold on to their national territory for a few decades, would make many people - voters - unhappy. Especially since over there, they're bad bad communists.
Plus, the even bigger issue here, which I have been tiptoeing around for half the post (in typical German manner, I might add): How does one apologize for inciting two world wars, and the systematized mass murder of millions of people? Especially considering
a) you, as a person, are innocent,
b) the people who are totally guilty are either dead, or hiding in Argentina etc.,
c) you, as a chancellor, represent millions of people who kinda were guilty, in aiding and abedding the bad guys, but shit, even admitting that to themselves would require years of psychotherapy each?
Well, Mr. Brandts answer was way, way less verbose than mine. To wit:
http://www.topfoto.co.uk/gallery/Germany1963_1988/ppages/ppage21.html
Not perfect, but this was impossible from the beginning.
Now, before I depress you into tears, let's lighten the mood at least a little. For example, does anyone recognize this guy on the right? Hint: Twenty years prior, he threw rocks at policemen for not being communist and hippie enough. Twenty years after this picture, he retired from his post as German foreign minister and vice chancellor. Besides causing uproar by appearing at a formal oath in sneakers, he also got popular with the sentence: "Mit Verlaub, Herr Präsident, Sie sind ein Arschloch" (With all due respect, Mr. President (of the Bundestag), you are an asshole.)
And now, we finally get back to those two German sentences I left untranslated above. The first is from another foreign minister, Hans-Dietrich Genscher, of the then-West-Germany, spoken in the German Embassy in Prague. People from the GDR had left the country towards Czechoslovakia in thousands, climbed the fence of the embassy ground, and were technically on West German ground - so no GDR official could get them to go back. They camped in and around the embassy for weeks, simply because they wanted out of East Germany.
On September 30th, Genscher went to Prague to deliver his message. The reaction can be found here.
Interesting to note: You can't actually hear if he's saying yes or no, because it totally drowns in the emotional outburst.
The second quote occured one-and-a-half months later. During a press conference, Günther Schabowski of the GDR essentially tells the stumped journalists, that yes, every GDR citizen is now free to leave the country, no strings attached, if they so choose. A few weeks before, this was a total exception, and only months before, people still were shot at for crossing the border.
But: actually, this new travel policy should have been active the next day, on November 10th. Additionally: It was planned to publish this at 4 o'clock in the morning, when everyone was asleep - not at 19.00, when everyone and their grandma is sitting at the telly.
So, hundreds of GDR citizens called their neighbours and went to the Wall. The border police, of course, knew of nothing - they would've been informed the next morning, and remember, this was the end of the eighties, so no internet, and no cellphone to call your superiors, if suddenly hundreds of people tell you of a law that you never heard before. You have to give it to both the policemen and the civilians during that evening that no one panicked, no one was hurt, no shot had been fired. The events of that night, finally, in a video here.
(disregard the poor fashion choices, mullets and frizzy hair, please - remember, this is
a) the eighties,
b) those people actually had to stand in line for those clothes, for hours, and
c) this is the fucking Fall of the Berlin Wall, right over there. The first peaceful revolution the Germans have managed in the History of ...Forever, so be a little happy for us.
"...das tritt nach meiner Kenntnis...ist das sofort, err... unverzüglich."
There are a few sentences, a few pictures, that are so ingrained in the brain that you'd probably remember them even after a concentrated gamma ray burst, applied directly to your forehead.
There are probably international, and national versions of cultural memory. First off, some international ones that should be known all over the world, assuming you do have a TV. (which means, about 4 billion people are excused, as well as some Amish).
Run, Kim Phuc, Run
By the end of this decade
Road Blocker
Convention? Bah, Geneva, Shmeveva
...And Y'all Knew This One Was Coming, Too.
Jesus Fuckin' Christ, indeed.
One of my exactly two readers: "Baaah. History. That's so fuckin' boring. Tell us funny stories, Teshik, if I was interested in old stuff, I wouldn't be skipping school right now."
Teshik: (socks him/her in the face) Then don't read my friggin' blog, loser.
Then, there's stuff I presume every American will surely recognize:
The Turtle's always right
The cheery "deedle-dum-dum" music is especially surreal giving the context.
Do Solemny Swear
...and the...errr...kind of graphic footage that comes just a few hours before, of course.
And You Think YOU Hate Going To School
If you look at German cultural memory, there are two very prominent themes. One of them regards history before 1945, and for obvious reasons, they are making us feel very queasy, embarrassed and vaguely guilty even though almost all people responsible have been dead for decades.
It's really hard to describe this collective feeling of awkwardness. Imagine a person who, at the local sports stadium during a major event where he was supposed to sing the national anthem. But instead of singing, he dropped down his pants, urinated over the guests of honor in the front row, threw feces at the athletes, and proceeded to run around naked screaming about how much he likes to fuck children.
NOW imagine you're the father or mother of said person, and EACH and EVERYONE in the stadium knows that. No one could directly hold you responsible for that horrible incident, buuuut....
And now you know why Germans still have major issues with their own self-image - and why they probably won't get a permanent seat in the UN security council, even though we...err, definitely know the importance of getting the right singer for the anthem, metaphorically speaking.
The other major part of German cultural memory is directly linked to the aftermath of that unfortunate incident. To stay in the increasingly strained metaphor, after the anthem singer was taken into custody, the policemen disagreed what to do with them: put him into an asylum for rehabilitation, or let him rot in prison as a punishment? In the end, they settled on simply doing both. Oh, and spend the next decades arguing about which way is better.
And so, since Germans really, really didn't want to think of the incident, they concentrated on the bullshit their wardens came up with. Which, let's face it, even though they saved our ass from the stadium mob, became more and more retarded. As in, everyone just carry around big huge-ass bombs, just in case the other warden had a cranky day. Hell, let's even put bombs in the prison cells of the Germans, and other inmates! Because giving people who are considered justifiable insane by all participants, REALLY should have bombs available!
The German singer didn't protest (much). From his perspective of things, he just woke up with a massive hangover, and suspects he might have done something he really, really regrets - and now he realizes: both of his wardens are batshit insane. Or would you say that the theory "he won't attack me, because then we'll ALL die in flames & fire, even the innocent bystanders" really is a surefire way to all-over SECURITY?
Okay, we can't blame everything on Soviets or Americans (Although we really really like to sometimes. Having someone to hate simply makes life easier, I guess). In fact, one of the biggest lies every German knows comes from one of our own, former-Soviet-marionette Number One Walter Ulbricht:
"Niemand hat die Absicht eine Mauer zu errichten." and I already told a nice little fairy-tale without happy end about that one. But I didn't include the pictures. Photos can be found here. (the second one is the one generally better known.)
Iconic pictures also include this one here, this should also be known across our borders, since it's one of the most iconic in the whole Cold War issue. Another film clip everyone over the age of 25 knows is of the woman escaping East Berlin by jumping out of a building:
(she appears around 3:15, I couldn't find a shorter one with the scene in it)
Eight years prior to the building of the Berlin Wall, these scenes had happened.
One thing that always strikes me as incredible is the part where the people start throwing rocks, even though their opponents have fucking tanks, which can turn you into human mincemeat in about five seconds. (This also goes for the unknown chinese guy above)
Another important picture is of former Bundeskanzler Willy Brandt, kneeling. Why is this one important? Well, this answer's complex. First of all, let's look at this map.
I kinda did lie when I said Germany was divided in two, because, see, actually, there are four sections: West Germany, East Germany, Western Poland, and a little bit of Soviet Union. Western Poland fell to Poland after the War because
1) Germany had to be punished (fair enough),
2) Poland had lost its own eastern part to the Soviets just a few years back, and
3) the Soviets ain't giving anything back, nuh-uh!
So, a shitload of Soviets were carted over into Ex-Poland, and a shitload of Germans in turn were carted into rest-Germany. The refugees wanted their stuff back, however. So acknowledging that Poland finally could hold on to their national territory for a few decades, would make many people - voters - unhappy. Especially since over there, they're bad bad communists.
Plus, the even bigger issue here, which I have been tiptoeing around for half the post (in typical German manner, I might add): How does one apologize for inciting two world wars, and the systematized mass murder of millions of people? Especially considering
a) you, as a person, are innocent,
b) the people who are totally guilty are either dead, or hiding in Argentina etc.,
c) you, as a chancellor, represent millions of people who kinda were guilty, in aiding and abedding the bad guys, but shit, even admitting that to themselves would require years of psychotherapy each?
Well, Mr. Brandts answer was way, way less verbose than mine. To wit:
http://www.topfoto.co.uk/gallery/Germany1963_1988/ppages/ppage21.html
Not perfect, but this was impossible from the beginning.
Now, before I depress you into tears, let's lighten the mood at least a little. For example, does anyone recognize this guy on the right? Hint: Twenty years prior, he threw rocks at policemen for not being communist and hippie enough. Twenty years after this picture, he retired from his post as German foreign minister and vice chancellor. Besides causing uproar by appearing at a formal oath in sneakers, he also got popular with the sentence: "Mit Verlaub, Herr Präsident, Sie sind ein Arschloch" (With all due respect, Mr. President (of the Bundestag), you are an asshole.)
And now, we finally get back to those two German sentences I left untranslated above. The first is from another foreign minister, Hans-Dietrich Genscher, of the then-West-Germany, spoken in the German Embassy in Prague. People from the GDR had left the country towards Czechoslovakia in thousands, climbed the fence of the embassy ground, and were technically on West German ground - so no GDR official could get them to go back. They camped in and around the embassy for weeks, simply because they wanted out of East Germany.
On September 30th, Genscher went to Prague to deliver his message. The reaction can be found here.
Interesting to note: You can't actually hear if he's saying yes or no, because it totally drowns in the emotional outburst.
The second quote occured one-and-a-half months later. During a press conference, Günther Schabowski of the GDR essentially tells the stumped journalists, that yes, every GDR citizen is now free to leave the country, no strings attached, if they so choose. A few weeks before, this was a total exception, and only months before, people still were shot at for crossing the border.
But: actually, this new travel policy should have been active the next day, on November 10th. Additionally: It was planned to publish this at 4 o'clock in the morning, when everyone was asleep - not at 19.00, when everyone and their grandma is sitting at the telly.
So, hundreds of GDR citizens called their neighbours and went to the Wall. The border police, of course, knew of nothing - they would've been informed the next morning, and remember, this was the end of the eighties, so no internet, and no cellphone to call your superiors, if suddenly hundreds of people tell you of a law that you never heard before. You have to give it to both the policemen and the civilians during that evening that no one panicked, no one was hurt, no shot had been fired. The events of that night, finally, in a video here.
(disregard the poor fashion choices, mullets and frizzy hair, please - remember, this is
a) the eighties,
b) those people actually had to stand in line for those clothes, for hours, and
c) this is the fucking Fall of the Berlin Wall, right over there. The first peaceful revolution the Germans have managed in the History of ...Forever, so be a little happy for us.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Fun for the Masses
Hey You! Yes, I mean you! Are you currently underworked? Maybe out of gainful employment? Are you even bored out of your MIND? Do you need a cheap, nay, free pastime to spend the endless hours? Despair no more, because those Interwebs of late (which are, as you all know, a series of tubes) have countless pages of made-up-shit just for that very purpose.
Plus, as an added bonus: You just know that some other person spent countless hours behind this, just to entertain the world.
Section I: Video Entertainment.
You all know Youtube. For those who don't: Dear Sir or Madam, are you aware that, at this moment, you have a real mouse on your desk, and are probably even touching it? Go find pest control.
Sorry. But you just can take so many calls from friends and family ("Hey, I just bought me the internets, and now it won't work." Or: "I can't access my Email." - "That's because you're on the eBay website." - "Yeah, but I can't open my Email! Duh!") before you start getting mean to the Technophobes.
Innyway. Youtube basically is one of those Gold-digging sites: You search for the nuggets, while digging through the 90 % utter crap that comprises the rest. One of thee nuggets:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk2sPl_Z7ZU
How to draw the Mona Lisa with MS Paint. Just...wow.
Or: Fun-ucationals: Trying to remember the Presidents of the USA? All 50 States and their Capitals? Or even just all countries in the whole friggin' world? The animaniacs have the answer:
Presidents:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvy0wRLD5s8
States:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUDDaEOvuY
Nations:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDtdQ8bTvRc
Also, if you just want a random quick flashback into the nineties? Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjOePNFRFRU
(You can also watch the original, but why? It doesn't even have dancing hippos.)
Then: Abridged Series. These are Youtube-"Shorts" (usually five to ten minutes), retelling an episode of a selected anime or cartoon. And when I say "retell", I mean "parody", pointing out the various plotholes, inconsistencies, and make just plain old fun. In most cases, having seen the original cartoon? is entirely optional. Warning: All of them contain coarse language, some adult content, and, like, you're spoiled afterwards, DUH!
Of course, there are also about a million copycats of the good ones, most of them atrociously bad. Some of the good ones are:
Yugioh The Abridged Series
by LittleKuriboh, The guy who I think started it all. Has now started his own website hosting the stuff.
Avatar TAS
"Hold on, I'll save us by freezing us in a giant block of ice! Yeah, best plan ever." Heh.
Teen Titans TAS
Not that impressive the first minute or so, but give it a shot, it really pays off. There are other series around, I didn't watch them yet, only Chaltab's.
Plus, as an added bonus: You just know that some other person spent countless hours behind this, just to entertain the world.
Section I: Video Entertainment.
You all know Youtube. For those who don't: Dear Sir or Madam, are you aware that, at this moment, you have a real mouse on your desk, and are probably even touching it? Go find pest control.
Sorry. But you just can take so many calls from friends and family ("Hey, I just bought me the internets, and now it won't work." Or: "I can't access my Email." - "That's because you're on the eBay website." - "Yeah, but I can't open my Email! Duh!") before you start getting mean to the Technophobes.
Innyway. Youtube basically is one of those Gold-digging sites: You search for the nuggets, while digging through the 90 % utter crap that comprises the rest. One of thee nuggets:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk2sPl_Z7ZU
How to draw the Mona Lisa with MS Paint. Just...wow.
Or: Fun-ucationals: Trying to remember the Presidents of the USA? All 50 States and their Capitals? Or even just all countries in the whole friggin' world? The animaniacs have the answer:
Presidents:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvy0wRLD5s8
States:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUDDaEOvuY
Nations:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDtdQ8bTvRc
Also, if you just want a random quick flashback into the nineties? Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjOePNFRFRU
(You can also watch the original, but why? It doesn't even have dancing hippos.)
Then: Abridged Series. These are Youtube-"Shorts" (usually five to ten minutes), retelling an episode of a selected anime or cartoon. And when I say "retell", I mean "parody", pointing out the various plotholes, inconsistencies, and make just plain old fun. In most cases, having seen the original cartoon? is entirely optional. Warning: All of them contain coarse language, some adult content, and, like, you're spoiled afterwards, DUH!
Of course, there are also about a million copycats of the good ones, most of them atrociously bad. Some of the good ones are:
Yugioh The Abridged Series
by LittleKuriboh, The guy who I think started it all. Has now started his own website hosting the stuff.
Avatar TAS
"Hold on, I'll save us by freezing us in a giant block of ice! Yeah, best plan ever." Heh.
Teen Titans TAS
Not that impressive the first minute or so, but give it a shot, it really pays off. There are other series around, I didn't watch them yet, only Chaltab's.
Yu Yu Hakusho TAS
The anime is of the more obscure variety, but the humor's still good.
Legend of Zelda - TAS
The game, in abridged format.
Sailor Moon AbridgedHeh. The best part is, it really brings out the extreme cheesiness of the original. Now with it's own website, too.
Secret of Mana Theater- Not a movie, per se, but a flash-made retelling of Secret of Mana, the SNES video game. This one's the funniest once you've played the game though (look for emulators.)
And while we're on the topic of flash - an entire world of flash games and little movies, over here, at Newgrounds.
Section II - Games
You need something more interactive to keep yourself occupied? No problem. For the internet also supplies oodles of Games, too. And, like the previous stuff: for free.
Just tossing out some examples, because I don't have the time to find all of them at the moment:
You just happened to survive the nuclear war. Now, onwards to becoming on of the post-apocalyptic World leaders! A browser game. If you like strategy, here's your genre. If you want pretty explosions and stuff, not so much.
Space4k
Browser game just as above, but this time, you're ruling space.
Anarchy Online
One of the "real environment" games. Instead of browser games, you download a game client (yes, it's biiiig. I suggest Bittorent), and log on to a 3D environment, where you can create a character fighting monsters, and other players. and stuff. Imagine the Sims. Only with guns. And dinosaurs.
Section III - Webcomics
The third, and largest section, mainly because I'm not in the mood to sort the good from the bad, so you'll just get a dump from my Favorites folder, and you'll figure it out. Hey, you're the people with nothing to do at the moment...
- :: Dueling Analogs ::
- Dueling Analogs is a color semi-weekly webcomic that lampoons the characters, culture and subtext of modern gaming and video game culture. Updates every Tuesday and Thursday.
- Ctrl+Alt+Del - Tragically l337
- GOD MODE * Mon-Wed-Fri * Gaming Comics Hilarity by Ryan Kerns
- For fans of Manga, Anime, Games, Gaming, Gamers Playstation, Nintendo, Xbox, Halo 2, PSP, Sony, Squaresoft, Nintendogs, Sonic, Final Fantasy, Advent Children, Nintendo Revolution, PS3, XBOX 360
- STAGE SELECT: When Masters Attack - Updated every Friday and Monday!
- A megaman webcomic! HAND DRAWN! Bye bye, sprite comics!
- VG Cats - Updated Mondays
- EXTRALIFE - Web comic for geeks, gamers, and stuff like that
- Penny Arcade!
- SORE THUMBS * Mon-Wed-Fri * Insane Political Gaming Manga-Type Comics by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby
- For fans of Manga, Anime, Games, Gaming, Gamers, Playstation, Nintendo, Xbox, Halo 2, PSP, Sony, Warcraft, Super Mario Bros.
- Press Start To Play - A Webcomic About Life, Love And Videogames. Updated Monday and Friday
- ActionTrip Comic Strip: Taking Public Relations to New Heights
- ActionTrip.com offers a great collection of gaming comics, alternative comic strips, world of arcraft comics, funny humor, and more!
- Digital Unrest - Updated at least every Monday
- Bob and George, the Comic Strip! - Discontinued, but it ran for seven years. One of the then-popular sprite comics.
-
- Sinfest
- Spells & Whistles: A Comic by Tauhid Bondia and Mike Spectre
- Swordwaltzer
- The Adventures of John Witchthorn ™ and friends -- protecting the Earth from the Darknaughts who prowl the Channels of Infinity!
- John Witchthorn uses his mystic powers and supernormal abilities to protect the Earth from extra-dimensional danger!
- Unshelved - archive
- Fallen - updates Sundays
Fantasy
- SkyFallManga.com || SkyFall Online Manga
- Fantasy Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Elves, Witches, Vikings and Beer!
- Bookelves featuring Alfheim (alv'hame) Updated Tuesday, January 15, 2008
- Fantasy-genre comics. Humor, romance, and adventure. Some mature themes, Benny Hill-style innuendo, and scantily-clad characters.
- Dumb Luck
- Sins - Updating MWF
- Edge the Devilhunter Online: The Gospel of Whoopass!
- An online graphic novel about a lewd, teenage gutterpunk conscripted by divine forces to fight the armies of hell. MA: Graphic Violence, Strong Sexuality, Adult Language
- The Gods of ArrKelaan (Consequences - Prelude [Cover])
- Drunk Duck is the webcomics community that provides FREE hosting and memberships to people who love to read or write comic books, or comic strips.
- Exiern Thursday, June 7, 2007
- Juathuur by Katie Sweet - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Juathuur by Katie Sweet - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- ..:: Heroes of Lesser Earth ::..
- Heroes of Lesser Earth is a fantasy adventure on-going web comic series that has posts new comics on Tuesdays and Fridays of each week. Characters are RPG based
- Looking For Group
- -After Armageddon- Version 4.0 - Updates Mondays
- Alpha Shade Pages
- Cat Legend: Comics
- Darken
- Earthsong - by Lady Yates - Updates Mon&Thurs
- Electric Manga
- Errant Story
- Fantasy Realms
- An epic fantasy graphic novel by Clay Gardner and Niko Geyer.
- Fresh Mode Webcomic Zone: Hunt
- NNFB! Updates Mondays
- No Need for Bushido, Samurai Ronin and Ninja!
- Talismen - Return of the Exile
- Seraph Inn
- Shades of Grey
- Tales Of Pylea
- The Wandering Ones by day
- The War of Winds, by KEZ. Hosted by SpiderForest!
- A graphic novel that follows characters in the last battle of war that has lasted millennia. Updates 2x weekly.
- toothycat.net - Looking for the Sun
- http://crowfeathers.net/page.php?c=8&p=0
- Valkyrie Yuuki
- VOLG/English
general
- Candi - Tuesday, July 6, 2004
- Welcome to Fish Tank!
- Odd-Fish Webcomic : Amore
- Odd-fish webcomic by Biro-art's NobbyNobody
- Emergency Exit- In your face!
- star cross'd destiny - online illustrated novel - updates MWF
- Epic saga of the five friends governed by the dark star of fate.
- In the recesses of the archives...
- The Off Chance - The Webcomic - Year Three
- A comedic tale of a pair of room mates living their daily lives with a horde of rabid bunnies and a fish trying to rule the world.
- Basic Instructions: How to Give Directions
- Little Dee by Chris Baldwin
- El Goonish Shive - Copyright & TM 2002-2007 Dan Shive
- Flint Again
- Friendly HOSTILITY
- Funny Farm - Daily Comic Strip - © 2005 R. Smith
- Factual Authentic Real True Stories
- Giant In the Playground Games
- Keenspace -- Nahast: Lands of Strife
- Knights of Vesteria by Matt Summers and Tom Fraser
- "Templar, Arizona" by Spike
- Try to think of it as AN Arizona, not THE Arizona.
- MARRY ME
- A webcomic (online comic strip).
- No Pink Ponies - Friday, March 3, 2006
- Ozy and Millie
- Paradox Lost
- Penny and Aggie
- PierceLogic
- An online comic about games, computers, and the gaming industry as seen from the viewpoint of three gamers. Updated every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
- Pseudome' Studio LLC: Van Von Hunter: Hunter of evil...stuff. Comic #220 11/26/06
- Pseudome Studio presents the on-line manga, Van von Hunter. The mighty hunter and killer of all things evil, Van von Hunter, travels many an evil land, smiting many evil creatures and drinking many evil, magical beers.
- Simulated Comic Product - How bad is it?
- Something Like Life ()
- Drunk Duck is the webcomics community that provides FREE hosting and memberships to people who love to read or write comic books, or comic strips.
- Todd and Penguin--archives
- Comic strip about a cookie loving penguin who lives with a guy named Todd. My tribute to classics such as Calvin and Hobbes, Bloom County, and Peanuts.
- Ugly Hill Archives
- Ugly Hill
- Yang Child
Sci Fi
- angels2200.com
- Buck Godot Online Comics
- Girl Genius—a Gaslamp Fantasy with Adventure, Romance and Mad Science; read it now online!
- Starsomething - Solar-Comics Every Astro-Monday
- Good Ship Chronicles by Tauhid Bondia: Updates Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays
- Experiences : Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life : Bohemian Drive
- Star Traks BorgSpace 2.0 - The Assimilated Generation
- Parallel Dementia Home
- Banished: The Archives
- Ice: the comic
- Legostar Galactica version 3.0 - Friday, May 23, 2003
- Indavo
- Schlock Mercenary archives
- Welcome to Schlock Mercenary archives, where you can find six years of the web's best comic space-opera all in one place
- Special School by Andy Mason - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network - Tuesdays and Fridays
- Special School by Andy Mason - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- thefarreaches.com
- Terinu
- White Noise
- Zap! Archives
- STAR TRAKS: BOLDLY GONE...
haven't read them yet
- "GS Archives - Fans" By T Campbell, Jason Waltrip and various
- Science-fiction fans fighting for science fiction and the rights of all dreamers everywhere. Ambitious? Why, yes.
- Red vs. Blue · News
- http://hootoo.comicgenesis.com/d/20030823.html
- alterverseships1.gif (GIF-Grafik, 900x601 Pixel)
- Cooties - Tuesday, February 6, 2007
- Crimson Dark - comic
- Crimson Night by Brian Brock - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Crimson Night by Brian Brock - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Daily Archives for Clan of the Cats
- For fans of Cats, Kittens, Witchcraft, Paganism, Gothic, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Ghosts, X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, LOST, Dracula, Lilith, Harry Potter, Poppy Z. Brite, Anita Blake, Jonathan Strange, Terry Pratchett, Anne Rice, Anthropamorphic, Furry, Manga, Dungeons and Dragons, Vampire: The Masquerade. LARP, Ancient History, Ancient Religion, Scooby Doo, The Beatles.
- Emergency Exit-DE SECRETS!
- Flying high and low - Sunday, December 31, 2006
- Juathuur by Katie Sweet - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Juathuur by Katie Sweet - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- 012.gif - The New Adventures of Bobbin!
- Love has a beat all its own... - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Sexcussions - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Marsh Rocket Comic | Act 0
- No Pink Ponies - Sunday, February 19, 2006
- Parallel Dementia - Wednesday, February 7, 2007
- Picatrix.net
- Ravenwood by Sylvia Baker - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Ravenwood by Sylvia Baker - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Six Seconds - Monday, February 5, 2007
- A webcomic about dark modern-day fantasy.
- Something Happens - Updated Tuesday, August 8, 2006
- A webcomic that will redefine your mind.
- Starlit Nights - Come hear our song...
- The Ballad Maker - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- The Ballad Maker - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- The B-Movie Comic
- A group of unlikely heroes tackles monsters, mutants and aliens from Hollywood's past and present. See what happens. Or they'll say you haven't seen it.
- The Man Who Hates Fun
- This week's adventure in Perth - Friday, December 22, 2006
- Tofustyle Mondays and Fridays and sometimes InBetween
- Tomb of the King : Scepter33
- Drunk Duck is the webcomics community that provides FREE hosting and memberships to people who love to read or write comic books, or comic strips.
- Undead Friend
- Valiant - Part of the SpiderForest.com Webcomics Network
- Wapsi Square by Paul Taylor - Monday, April 1, 2002
- You're currently surfing the Wapsi Square archives. The comic that deals with relationships, single life, mythical monsters, muscular women, bra shops, cigars, real ale, fantasy rpg, microbrewery, bikinis, photography, dating, guitars, music, bands, night clubs, swing dancing
- www.drhamstructo.com
- Zebra Girl - Saturday, May 6, 2000
- SkyFallManga.com || SkyFall Online Manga
- Angst is a Five Letter Word - Saturday, March 4, 2006
- Scene Language by Corey Marie
- STRIPTEASE! 700 comics, still ridiculous
- Fleen: Your Favorite Faux-Muckrakers Since 2005
- OVERCOMPENSATING: The Journal Comic With a Seething Disdain for Reality.
- REAL, TRUE STORIES OF A CARTOON HUMAN BOY.
- ryanestrada.com » Blog Archive » Ryan and the Big Kickoff
- Hey, Payout!
- Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday
- Human animal roleplay - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- Sam and Fuzzy
- Instant Classic Entertainment
- Instant Classic Entertainment is a collection of stories, prose, comics and experiments on the topic of film, theater, music, literature and art by Brian Carroll.
- part 1 page 18
- diesel sweeties comics & t-shirts: what's the difference between a webcomic and a blog? if i called this a blog, i'd be a billionaire.
- Romantic comics starring a burnt-out, retired porn star and her robot boyfriend, Clango. Watch out for the indie rockers and metalheads! Updated every weekday.
- The Best Webcomics of 2005
main
- Aldus Maycombe :: Not-dead and fruitier than ever!
- Amazoness!
- AppleGeeks 3.0
- Bruno the Bandit © 2001 Ian McDonald
- Follow the daily adventures of Bruno the Bandit and his trusty sidekick, Fiona the microdragon!
- Candi - Monday, March 5, 2007
- College Roomies from Hell!!! for Monday, November 13, 2006
- College Roomies from Hell!!! An online comic strip. If you thought college was hell, wait till you meet your roommates! This strip features three perfect strangers trying to live together without strangling each other, their cute neighbors, an evil hand puppet and a pet rock named Fluffy
- Comedity 2.0
- Dresden Codak - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
- Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar - A Daily Webcomic
- Fatebreaker
- Flaky Pastry
- Geek Tragedy Archives
- Girl Genius Online Comics!
- Girl Genius—a Gaslamp Fantasy with Adventure, Romance and Mad Science; read it now online!
- Go For It! Archive
- Grim Tales From Down Below, Updated Sundays
- Comics based on movies, games, music, and pop culture. Also featuring the Power Puff Girl Doujinshi, Grim Tales From Down Below, TIN: The Incompetent Ninja, and the King of Fighters Doujinshi.
- Krakow Original. Same Great Taste. Same Great Webcomic. Thursday, September 07, 2006
- Lizzy
- Misfile - A comic by Chris Hazelton - Now Updating Every Weekday
- Mystican Dreams
- A war between races on the planet Mystica. Will a beautiful princess and a servant from two different races be able to end the 1000 year rift?
- No Reason » Archive » Heroes
- A webcomic (online comic strip).
- Nuklear Power - Home of 8-bit Theater
- Parallel Dementia Home
- Questionable Content: New comics every Monday through Friday
- Real Life - The Online Comic
- Shanime.com
- Home of the webcomics 'The Peons,' 'Pigeon,' and Hero +/-'
- something positive: archive
- something positive: archive1937
- Sorcery 101
- SPQR Blues - Tuesday, February 12, 2008
- Strange Candy archives
- FOOM! The lives of six strangers change forever when they're transported from Tokyo Tower to a Strange world of cat boys, cat girls, amazons, shoujo manga, jello wrestling, love hotels, giant robots, tentacle monsters, bishounen waiters, cutthroat croquet, and idol singers.
-
- Welcome To Gun Baby
- Wireheads -- Hollywood Blondes, Visual Effects Blues & CGI Geeks!
- Menage a 3
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Chaaaaange
I guess it's finally time for me to take the time again and start to post blog entries every now and then (at least, entries that won't involve physical and/or mental breakdowns on my part)
Now that I've already driven off the sadists waiting for stories of my torment, how to antagonize even more possible readers? Hmm...Ah! Politics.
Let's have a rational and neutral discussion about your candidate debate. By which I mean, "let me ridicule your current and your possible next presidents."
At the moment, even though my TV is still refusing to receive any broadcasts, I'm still feeling bombarded by that whole "Who's da Prez"(candidate) issue. And I like to remind y'all that I don't even live on the same continent as the United States. Needless to say, I'm annoyed. Because, even if I'm well-informed about the issue, which I usually prefer in political topics, I won't have any say in the matter anyway. I do have the power to whine about, though.
Let's look at the choices you have. Your current supreme ruler isn't electable anymore. That means, since you're essentially a two-party-country, usually two candidates. I'm not including Ralph Nader or the Greens in this, because, let's face it: While Nader might have a chance of entering the Guinness Book of Records at some point (Most consecutive runnings for president, 1992 - 2036), the actual chances are rather slim, since better arguments won't win you an election, see "Re: The Dolt vs. Horseface" in 2004, and also, even the majority of votes won't guarantee you a win, see "Re: Re: The Dolt vs. Global Warming" in 2000.
Interestingly, this time, we have twist with an additional candidate, since the Democrats still haven't made up their mind yet. That leaves you with three choices: White Bitch, Black Jesus, and Old Faithful.
And now comes the tricky part: Are you able to vote for one of those candidates without those descriptive labels "Woman", "Black" or "Veteran"? The thing is, everyone has them in the back of his/her mind when deciding who is the best of them in their opinion. Yet, as soon as you point that out, you're either sexist, racist, or unpatriotic. This is fairly easy to spot once you begin to mix around.
An example: Imagine John McCain was a woman. Suddenly, his chances of becoming president begin to drop. Why? Not because of the big blond wig and the red lipstick, mind you. People have no problem electing female heads of state, The Iron Lady, or our Darth Merkel with her Weapons of Mass Distraction are the best examples. It's just that a Mrs. McCain would have the stigma of being too old. Ever seen a 71-year-old woman running around claiming a high political office? I won't say there won't be any, but as soon as they have to face elections, they have fewer chances. It's the old little saying: "When men age, they get more charming. When women age, they get more ugly". Sad, and certainly unfair, but still true.
Second example: Make Clinton male. Suddenly, she's way less "cold". Women are supposed to be more sympathetic with your issues, have that motherly attitude. It's her gender that kinda gets her the air of being a cold-hearted bitch. If a man acts cold-hearted, it's forgiven sooner, because it's more expected. If a woman does the same, it's regarded as an attack out of left field. Of course, being a woman can also be used nicely, like crying yourself back into the hearts of millions. If a man cried, he'd be out of the race in under five seconds. But don't get me wrong, if Clinton has to, she will order your Death By Airlock.
Thirdly: Douse poor Mr. Obama in a shower of bleach to make him white(Not that white though, please.), and call him Steve. Wow. Isn't he boring now? Also, he loses his ability to appear as the Second Kennedy. Plus, he predictably loses his appeal on the African-American populace. Why? Is a white male so utterly unsuitable to speak for all Americans, regardless of color? (If you answer that one with "yes", then Barack Obama is in return unsuitable for representing the Whites/Latinos/Whathaveyou, which is the majority.)
Also, Steve Obama's Speeches about the Chaaaaange the country needs, and the Chaaaaange in the government, are way less believable now. (Granted, his opponents jumped on the whole Chaaaaange train, but only because they realized it worked.). Because, if you look more closely, and strip away Obama's undoubtedly charismatic face and the whole "vision" and the youtube-videos blending him together with frickin' Martin Luther King, which just rubs me in a really wrong way, then you discover remarkably few details to his whole "Chaaaaanging America" plan. I mean, it's part of the deal that candidates try to hold the nasty details like tax raises and unpopular decisions until after the election, and McCain and Clinton are no different. But apart from the fact that Obama was against the Iraq war and him pointing fingers, "but the Bad Bad Mrs. Clinton said yes", I know little about his real political agenda. And all I do find are quotes out of the last year as a candidate, so I can't know if he's always been of those opinions, or if he just shells out everything his voters want to hear.
Oh, and another thing: Presidental candidates all try to sell that they're standing up for the Poor Lower-Middle-Class People trying to meet ends with three-and-a-half jobs. And they caaaare so much for them. Just remember two things, though:
1) Presidental candidates seldom know what lower-class or even lower middle-class means. You know McCain and Clinton are White Suburbians. And "Man of the People"-Obama? His Dad went to Harvard, his later stepdad was a manager for an oil company, Barack himself went to Indonesian private schools.
2) If you want to win an election in the USA, you have to spend the big bucks. That means you either have them yourself, or you need to get donations. Where'd you get the biggest donations? Well, corporations, and other rich people. Duh. Why will they give you the money? Because they expect something in return. Dubya was supported by big oil companies, so what will he do? Tax them for environmental destruction and use the money to create a green economy? Please. Your Li'l Shrub may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even he isn't that dumb. And Clinton, Obama and McCain will have to rely on the same kind of money.
So, kids, keep those words of mine in mind when you vote, and maybe we'll end up with the Lesser Evil this time. For my part, I will wholeheartedly support Hillary. Hillary Hussein Rodham-McCain Jr., that is.
Now that I've already driven off the sadists waiting for stories of my torment, how to antagonize even more possible readers? Hmm...Ah! Politics.
Let's have a rational and neutral discussion about your candidate debate. By which I mean, "let me ridicule your current and your possible next presidents."
At the moment, even though my TV is still refusing to receive any broadcasts, I'm still feeling bombarded by that whole "Who's da Prez"(candidate) issue. And I like to remind y'all that I don't even live on the same continent as the United States. Needless to say, I'm annoyed. Because, even if I'm well-informed about the issue, which I usually prefer in political topics, I won't have any say in the matter anyway. I do have the power to whine about, though.
Let's look at the choices you have. Your current supreme ruler isn't electable anymore. That means, since you're essentially a two-party-country, usually two candidates. I'm not including Ralph Nader or the Greens in this, because, let's face it: While Nader might have a chance of entering the Guinness Book of Records at some point (Most consecutive runnings for president, 1992 - 2036), the actual chances are rather slim, since better arguments won't win you an election, see "Re: The Dolt vs. Horseface" in 2004, and also, even the majority of votes won't guarantee you a win, see "Re: Re: The Dolt vs. Global Warming" in 2000.
Interestingly, this time, we have twist with an additional candidate, since the Democrats still haven't made up their mind yet. That leaves you with three choices: White Bitch, Black Jesus, and Old Faithful.
And now comes the tricky part: Are you able to vote for one of those candidates without those descriptive labels "Woman", "Black" or "Veteran"? The thing is, everyone has them in the back of his/her mind when deciding who is the best of them in their opinion. Yet, as soon as you point that out, you're either sexist, racist, or unpatriotic. This is fairly easy to spot once you begin to mix around.
An example: Imagine John McCain was a woman. Suddenly, his chances of becoming president begin to drop. Why? Not because of the big blond wig and the red lipstick, mind you. People have no problem electing female heads of state, The Iron Lady, or our Darth Merkel with her Weapons of Mass Distraction are the best examples. It's just that a Mrs. McCain would have the stigma of being too old. Ever seen a 71-year-old woman running around claiming a high political office? I won't say there won't be any, but as soon as they have to face elections, they have fewer chances. It's the old little saying: "When men age, they get more charming. When women age, they get more ugly". Sad, and certainly unfair, but still true.
Second example: Make Clinton male. Suddenly, she's way less "cold". Women are supposed to be more sympathetic with your issues, have that motherly attitude. It's her gender that kinda gets her the air of being a cold-hearted bitch. If a man acts cold-hearted, it's forgiven sooner, because it's more expected. If a woman does the same, it's regarded as an attack out of left field. Of course, being a woman can also be used nicely, like crying yourself back into the hearts of millions. If a man cried, he'd be out of the race in under five seconds. But don't get me wrong, if Clinton has to, she will order your Death By Airlock.
Thirdly: Douse poor Mr. Obama in a shower of bleach to make him white(Not that white though, please.), and call him Steve. Wow. Isn't he boring now? Also, he loses his ability to appear as the Second Kennedy. Plus, he predictably loses his appeal on the African-American populace. Why? Is a white male so utterly unsuitable to speak for all Americans, regardless of color? (If you answer that one with "yes", then Barack Obama is in return unsuitable for representing the Whites/Latinos/Whathaveyou, which is the majority.)
Also, Steve Obama's Speeches about the Chaaaaange the country needs, and the Chaaaaange in the government, are way less believable now. (Granted, his opponents jumped on the whole Chaaaaange train, but only because they realized it worked.). Because, if you look more closely, and strip away Obama's undoubtedly charismatic face and the whole "vision" and the youtube-videos blending him together with frickin' Martin Luther King, which just rubs me in a really wrong way, then you discover remarkably few details to his whole "Chaaaaanging America" plan. I mean, it's part of the deal that candidates try to hold the nasty details like tax raises and unpopular decisions until after the election, and McCain and Clinton are no different. But apart from the fact that Obama was against the Iraq war and him pointing fingers, "but the Bad Bad Mrs. Clinton said yes", I know little about his real political agenda. And all I do find are quotes out of the last year as a candidate, so I can't know if he's always been of those opinions, or if he just shells out everything his voters want to hear.
Oh, and another thing: Presidental candidates all try to sell that they're standing up for the Poor Lower-Middle-Class People trying to meet ends with three-and-a-half jobs. And they caaaare so much for them. Just remember two things, though:
1) Presidental candidates seldom know what lower-class or even lower middle-class means. You know McCain and Clinton are White Suburbians. And "Man of the People"-Obama? His Dad went to Harvard, his later stepdad was a manager for an oil company, Barack himself went to Indonesian private schools.
2) If you want to win an election in the USA, you have to spend the big bucks. That means you either have them yourself, or you need to get donations. Where'd you get the biggest donations? Well, corporations, and other rich people. Duh. Why will they give you the money? Because they expect something in return. Dubya was supported by big oil companies, so what will he do? Tax them for environmental destruction and use the money to create a green economy? Please. Your Li'l Shrub may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even he isn't that dumb. And Clinton, Obama and McCain will have to rely on the same kind of money.
So, kids, keep those words of mine in mind when you vote, and maybe we'll end up with the Lesser Evil this time. For my part, I will wholeheartedly support Hillary. Hillary Hussein Rodham-McCain Jr., that is.
Friday, August 17, 2007
History lesson - The Schießbefehl fairy tale.
Are any of you 18 years old or younger at the moment? In that case,
1) I am now entitled to call you "young whippersnappers" and crap like this, because I'm nine years older than you and thus, out of your teenager perspective, practically ancient, and
2) I feel I have to educate you about an actual news story circulating in Germany at the moment, and the load of history behind it. Because I believe in the motto "one who doesn't know history is doomed to repeat it."
As we all know, Germans practically invented historical mistakes. Failed democratic revolution? Yeah, us. Beating the shit out of France? Still us. Starting a whole freaking world war (and even worse, having the audacity of losing that one)? Us, totally. Not getting the hint and attacking the whole world again? Yeah, we're the ones. (and that enumeration is only of the last 150 years, and leaves out the worst part.) We kinda have a very slow learning curve.
History can be fun, as long as you ain't the person caught in the middle.
(Note: I know it's quite long. Think of it as a educational fable that happens to be true.)
Once upon a time in the ancient past of 1962, there was a young bloke, called Peter Fechter, and his pal, Helmut Kulbeik. Peter and Helmut were bricklayers, or rather, bricklayer apprentices. What an exciting job for two 18-year-olds, don't ya think? Peter and Helmut must've thought otherwise.
They also had some other interesting thoughts. Such as, "I'm allowed to disagree with some people". Or "I wanna have the right to vote". Or "I want to go into a store and buy the food I want, not just the canned tuna that's here this week". Silly Peter and Helmut, don't you think? All those luxuries. And freedom of speech, such jokesters.
Because Peter and Helmut, like many people, had the misfortune of being born in a really assy part of the world. That part of the world was called "Deutsche Demokratische Republik" (German democratic republic). Sounds much nicer than "Bundesrepublic Deutschland"(federal republic of Germany), don't you think? Because it has "democratic" in its name.
Peter and Helmut didn't quite think so. In fact, many people thought the GDR was crap in a tin-can, and left. This, however, drew the attention of the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht. The Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht was so democratic he continuously got voted with 99 %. Because, you see, Peter and Helmut were lying when they said they couldn't vote. They just had to vote for the party of the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht, because there wasn't any other.
1) I am now entitled to call you "young whippersnappers" and crap like this, because I'm nine years older than you and thus, out of your teenager perspective, practically ancient, and
2) I feel I have to educate you about an actual news story circulating in Germany at the moment, and the load of history behind it. Because I believe in the motto "one who doesn't know history is doomed to repeat it."
As we all know, Germans practically invented historical mistakes. Failed democratic revolution? Yeah, us. Beating the shit out of France? Still us. Starting a whole freaking world war (and even worse, having the audacity of losing that one)? Us, totally. Not getting the hint and attacking the whole world again? Yeah, we're the ones. (and that enumeration is only of the last 150 years, and leaves out the worst part.) We kinda have a very slow learning curve.
History can be fun, as long as you ain't the person caught in the middle.
(Note: I know it's quite long. Think of it as a educational fable that happens to be true.)
Once upon a time in the ancient past of 1962, there was a young bloke, called Peter Fechter, and his pal, Helmut Kulbeik. Peter and Helmut were bricklayers, or rather, bricklayer apprentices. What an exciting job for two 18-year-olds, don't ya think? Peter and Helmut must've thought otherwise.
They also had some other interesting thoughts. Such as, "I'm allowed to disagree with some people". Or "I wanna have the right to vote". Or "I want to go into a store and buy the food I want, not just the canned tuna that's here this week". Silly Peter and Helmut, don't you think? All those luxuries. And freedom of speech, such jokesters.
Because Peter and Helmut, like many people, had the misfortune of being born in a really assy part of the world. That part of the world was called "Deutsche Demokratische Republik" (German democratic republic). Sounds much nicer than "Bundesrepublic Deutschland"(federal republic of Germany), don't you think? Because it has "democratic" in its name.
Peter and Helmut didn't quite think so. In fact, many people thought the GDR was crap in a tin-can, and left. This, however, drew the attention of the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht. The Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht was so democratic he continuously got voted with 99 %. Because, you see, Peter and Helmut were lying when they said they couldn't vote. They just had to vote for the party of the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht, because there wasn't any other.
And because the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht was so benevolent, he was very, very sad when all the young folk turned their backs on him and left the "sozialistisches deutsches Arbeiterparadies" (the socialistic german worker's paradise). "Why are they leaving? This is my worker's paradise! They even get cans of tuna!", the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht said.
But since he was very wise, he had an idea. The Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht build a wall so that his stupid subjects, er, I mean democratic voters, wouldn't go into the very dangerous and hostile countries of the west. The Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht didn't tell his voters of his project first, because he knew they often had strange ideas about stuff, just like Peter and Helmut. So he told them, "Niemand hat die Absicht, eine Mauer zu errichten." (no one has the intention of building a wall). But he did. On August 13th, 1961, he stopped all traffic within a city, and build a wall around half of the city, because only half of this city was his. The other half belonged to the enemy. The wall was called "antifaschistischer Schutzwall" (anti fascist protection wall), because he wanted to protect Peter and Helmut and all the others from having strange and stupid ideas ever again.
But Peter and Helmut did have a stupid idea. One year later, on August 17th, 1962, after they finished working, they wanted to climb over the wall and get into the part of the city that was dangerous and fascist and capitalistic.
Helmut got over the wall. Peter however, couldn't. It may have been one of the 30 bullets perforating him that kinda impeded his climbing ability. For the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht had told his soldiers to prevent his voters from having strange ideas at all costs.
But Peter wasn't dead yet. He lay just 1 metre off the enemy city, hunched against the wall, and called out for help. Now, the soldiers on both sides had a problem. The fascist American soldiers who patrolled the Border for their fascist German friends couldn't help Peter because he still was in the East part. Going there with soldiers? No, that means war, not with the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht, of course, but with the Even Wiser And More Benevolent Emperor Nikita Sergejewitsch Chruschtschow. So the American soldiers stood there and did nothing.
The Soldiers of the Workers Paradise couldn't do anything either, because a) the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht had forbidden them to go into the zone he had humourously named "Todesstreifen"(death stripe), so that his soldiers didn't get bad ideas themselves. And b) several soldiers of the Workers Paradise had been shot dead by the fascist Germans, so everyone was reluctant to go into the death stripe himself.
And so, Peter Fechter lay against the wall and bled. Not silently, but complaining loudly. At least, at first. The people of the Worker's Paradise weren't allowed near the wall, of course, but thousands of people of the Fascist Federal Republic were watching him. They wanted to help, but the Americans would shoot them if they crossed the border. Or the soldiers of the Wise And Benevolent King Ulbricht. Probably both.
So, Peter gave up his pleas for help after a while. The massive internal bleeding over the last hour may have contributed to his acceptance of fate. After he had lost consciousness, the soldiers of the Workers Paradise were brave enough to step into the death stripe, and pull Peter back into the GDR where he belonged. Nevertheless, Peter died in the hospital later. He wasn't the first, and certainly not the last person to have a stupid idea up until 1989.
So, Peter gave up his pleas for help after a while. The massive internal bleeding over the last hour may have contributed to his acceptance of fate. After he had lost consciousness, the soldiers of the Workers Paradise were brave enough to step into the death stripe, and pull Peter back into the GDR where he belonged. Nevertheless, Peter died in the hospital later. He wasn't the first, and certainly not the last person to have a stupid idea up until 1989.
---
Now y'all are probably wondering, "nice horror story, but what the fucking fuck this has to do with current events, Teshik?"
Well, the news story itself is waaaay less spectacular. It seems someone has found a dusty old document that proves GDR soldiers were ordered to shoot upon people should they try to escape via the German-German border. There is an uproar on this. Seemingly, people are starting to forget that the people ruling the GDR were lying sacks of shit, and start to believe them when they say "there has never been an order to shoot people".
People tend to forget. And, more important, people tend to forget the bad stuff first.
When people wax nostalgic about the GDR, you'll probably hear about that there wasn't any unemployment, and lower rates of crime, and all those nice marches of the socialist party, and nude culture, and better childcare, and women's rights, and their first car, a trabi.
But the GDR wasn't all sunshine and lollypops. Sometimes, politicians are lying liars who lie, but the facts stay what they are. The GDR spied on their own people, imprisoned them, and ordered their soldiers to shoot people trying to escape from all this. Men, women, and children died at the Mauer. Just because that happened twenty or more years ago, doesn't mean you can forget the bad stuff.
When people wax nostalgic about the GDR, you'll probably hear about that there wasn't any unemployment, and lower rates of crime, and all those nice marches of the socialist party, and nude culture, and better childcare, and women's rights, and their first car, a trabi.
But the GDR wasn't all sunshine and lollypops. Sometimes, politicians are lying liars who lie, but the facts stay what they are. The GDR spied on their own people, imprisoned them, and ordered their soldiers to shoot people trying to escape from all this. Men, women, and children died at the Mauer. Just because that happened twenty or more years ago, doesn't mean you can forget the bad stuff.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Forum Basics
"Hi dunno if this is the right place but i thought i just ask do you have a forum for fanfic please tell me i want to read some that would be awsume thanks"
"Hey where can I get the game discs for <this'n'that game> I, uh, lost my originals. Yeah, that's it."
"Hi im new hear cud u plz sent me sum picz of my faverite actor i lik him so varry much OMG tis si so cul!11!!!1!!! "
"omg d00d you're site t0tally suckz u r teh stupidest pers0n on this planet lol"
Recognize some of these? Quite probably, since these are, like, one third of all forum posts in the entire internet. And since I'm fed up with these repeat offenders spamming and creating unnecessary traffic, I'll try an education effort.
Note: No, I am not ranting about my dear friends at the Charmed Sons or TwoP, I do browse other forums, too, you know? I'm just ranting about idiots on the internet in general. Lord knows there's enough of'em.
Lesson 1 - The Golden Rule
Confuzius said it, Jesus said it, Muhammad said it, it's in the Torah and the Mahabharata, and quite frankly, it's the base of common sense in social interaction. If everyone would apply it, George W. Bush, Mahmud Ahmadinejad, and Kim Jong Il could proclaim World Peace in a press conference the very next day.
Treat the others like you want to be treated yourself.
Deep shit, dude. Also, it's not that hard to apply. And if you apply it, then Eeeebony aaaand Iiiiivory live together in peeerfect haaaaarmony....don't worry, I'll stop singing now.
Lesson 2 - The Basic Idea of Interpunction
sometimes sentences end that's just the way it is there's no reason to worry though because the internet doesn't have a I only take one sentence post function if you read up until this part you probably might have noticed that it's kinda hard to follow the text because it's not always perfectly obvious where one sentence ended and where the next one begins so if you'd just start using those commas and points on your keyboard I would really appreciate that thanks
Lssn 3 - Typg cmplt wrdz wl n/kill teh net. Or ur keyb.
Rly. T wn't. U no?
Lassen 4 - Now ur lengridge.
Did you know that "they're", "their" and "there" have completely different meanings in the English language? Astounding, isn't it. Even more astounding is the fact that two thirds of the people reaching the forums from the United States are apparently completely unaware of this phenomenon. I'd make a Dubya crack here, but: Nah.
The point is, no one expects you speak flawless English. I'm a non-native-speaker myself, and I'm still having trouble with those stupid prepositions sometimes. But you could at least try. If I could understand the difference between "your" and "you're" as a ten-year-old, I am confident you can do the same. I have faith.
LESSON 5 - COULD YOU PLEASE TURN DOWN YOUR STEREO?
TYPING LIKE THIS IS REALLY NOT APPRECIATED. WANNA KNOW WHY? IT IS THE NET EQUIVALENT OF SCREAMING. AND WE'RE NOT DEAF. AT LEAST, WE WEREN'T UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP.
Lesson 6 - Hey! Look! I can totally change the fonts 'n color 'n shit!
Hey! Look! I will totally ignore you now because not only did you make your post completely unreadable, you also exhibited the maturity of the average six-year-old! And everyone else will ignore you, as well!
Lesson 7 - Google is not out to kill your firstborn.
One of the most important lessons, ever. About 90 per cent of useless questions could be avoided if people just relied on search engines instead of annoying others. You don't like Google because it collects important data about you? Well, get used to the program, and since you're most likely from That Country With That Patriot Act, Google finding out what you wanted to buy on Ebay is really, really the least of your problems with freedom.
Or, even better, you use Altavista, Yahoo, the MS fucking N search engine or one of the bazillion others.
Lesson 8 - know thy surroundings.
Imagine it like this. Instead of the swinger's club you are aquainted with, you accidentally stumble into the nearest book club. Imagine the others surprised looks when you casually take off your pants and start rubbing your body against the nearest girl or guy. After that, things most certainly get awkward. And people tend to call the police.
See? So if you want to talk about your homoerotic fantasies, www.ihatefags.com is probably the wrong place. Likewise, no one wants to hear your faszinating theories regarding Warcraft strategy if you're posting it in a forum dedicated to the mating habits of the several species of Pelicanidae in South America.
Hint: You don't have to boast into every forum you possibly find, only the ones you're interested in.
Lesson 9 - Please do not feed the troll.
You're in a forum dedicated to, say, the incredibly interesting hobby of collecting paperclips. (Dear people of paperclips.com - Don't judge me.) Suddenly, some newbie uses his very first post to barge in on your discussion with the startling fact that paperclips collections cause your penis to shrink and everybody affiliated with that hobby is actually a child molester. In response, do you:
a) Rebutt that idiot by telling him his momma is a total whore, because she, like, slept with your neighbours poodle the other day
b) Try to reason with the confused individual, patiently explaining in excruciating detail the joys of your paperclip hobby, rallying your friends to defend the paperclipper's honour
c) Run instantly to the moderator, screaming bloody murder and insist the offender's account is to be vaporized immediately, annoying the crap out of the poor soul who moderates your board in his/her freetime for no compensation at all
d) Simply fail to rise to the bait, causing the Troll to starve, wither, and die, and we all live happily ever after.
Lesson 10 - No, I really have cancer this time. Really.
Generic Forum. The poster having the moniker "SeemsLikeANiceGirl" posts in a new thread: "I just returned from my doctor. He said I have cancer in the last stage. I have only six months to live."
Naturally, the thread soon is full of well-wishes, "oh-you-poor-girl" and the like. If you monitor it more closely however, the more senior forum members, and the admins, refrain from posting in that thread. Surely they just haven't seen it, or are too busy, you say. No one is so heartless as not to react to that.
If you follow up the next weeks, there are no further posts by SeemsLikeANiceGirl. Nothing relating how the symptoms progress, how she's coping, if she's even still alive, nothing. Absurdidly, forum life goes on, no one even seems to care. Why this? There's a poor soul suffering somewhere!
Fast forward a few months later. A forum poster called SeemsLikeANiceGirl posts: "I just had a call from my doctor. She says I have Leucemia and I have only one year to live."
What happened? Easy. That's a troll, too. They come in quite some variants: "My dog got run over by a car." - "I have the AIDS. (of course, by blood transfusion after a horrible accident)." - "My brother-in-law works on the set of VeryFamousTelevisionShow and I have been behind the scenes several times now. I know all the insider scoop." - "I live in the Center of a war zone and my life is constantly in danger." - "I am the neighbor of Angela Merkel and I know what underwear she wears. "(eww) - "I am dying of syphilis, and also, my daughter just got hit by a bus." - "I once saved three orphans from drowning, and nobody thanked me." - "I am in talks with producers of NotYetProducedTelevisionShow, and am confident we will be on FOX in the Fall season with the virtual season I am writing".
Yeah. Riiiiight. As with the more obvious variety of trolls: Starve them.
Lesson 11 - Just because Daddy pays your Internet provider, doesn't mean everything on the Internet is free.
Yeah, of course you did just lose your cd. And your codebook. And your manual. And while we're at it, your extremely legal collection of mp3's.
But either you suck it up and buy the damn game, or acquire the necessary H3xx0r sk1llz to steal it from some shady site. But don't annoy the posters who just want to chill out talking about their games.
N00b.
Lesson 12 - Häy A Grrrrl Letz cyber !!1!1!!!1
Look, I know. You're male, you're a geek, and your expertise of the female anatomy consists of that cartoon I saw the other day, where Sailor Mercury is flashing her boobs and seductively waving with a dildo, telling me I can <japanese symbol> her <japanese symbol> if I only pay 699 Yen per <japanese symbol>(Err. Hint: clicking on random links in a language you don't understand can be REALLY hazardous for your mental health sometimes. 'Nuff said.)
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
But comments like those in the title don't make it exactly easy for the non-nerd faction (of both genders) to consider you mature enough to warrant a continued conversation, instead of a well-deserved "Fuck off and die."
Lesson 13 - We're about as interested in your genital warts as everyone else is.
No, seriously. No, seriously. No, don't post pictures. Please. And remember that sometimes your internet friends can be as grossed out by you as your real-life friends are. Go find the appropriate forum if you want to talk about it. (And since I just found out that buttfuck dot com is a real internet address, I'm quite sure there's an appropriate forum for your more... special... needs, too.)
Lesson 14 - Now if only I could figure out how to click this link...
I find it amazing sometimes. There are people out there who, while not really figuring out how to operate their opposable thumbs, are somehow able to log into this newfangled "Interweb" and - you guessed it - annoy. Here's a particularly good example:
I have a little webspace at my uni where I have uploaded some uni scripts and cheat-cheets, just so people don't have to search as long to find them as I had to. One day, I receive an email with the following sentence in it:
"Well, I would have gotten some of your files, but there wasn't a download anywhere." -
The "download" was a link which you click, and the download starts. I assumed some of my links were broken, and asked him back which downloads he tried. None, because there are none, he replied. After some back-and-forth I realized: This guy didn't try to click my links because I didn't label them with "Download" or "Download now!", but the actual file name, and he thought if he clicked them he would simply leave the site. Please also bear in mind this guy is going the same university as I do. So, he's kind of part of the so-called intellectual elite of this country.
I can never guess if guys like him are simple stoned up the wazoo, are so plain stupid they probably receive their Darwin Awards in the very near future, or if they are just screwing with my mind and pushing my buttons.
Some day in the future, I'll figure it out. And then I'll probably weep for humanity.
"Hey where can I get the game discs for <this'n'that game> I, uh, lost my originals. Yeah, that's it."
"Hi im new hear cud u plz sent me sum picz of my faverite actor i lik him so varry much OMG tis si so cul!11!!!1!!! "
"omg d00d you're site t0tally suckz u r teh stupidest pers0n on this planet lol"
Recognize some of these? Quite probably, since these are, like, one third of all forum posts in the entire internet. And since I'm fed up with these repeat offenders spamming and creating unnecessary traffic, I'll try an education effort.
Note: No, I am not ranting about my dear friends at the Charmed Sons or TwoP, I do browse other forums, too, you know? I'm just ranting about idiots on the internet in general. Lord knows there's enough of'em.
Lesson 1 - The Golden Rule
Confuzius said it, Jesus said it, Muhammad said it, it's in the Torah and the Mahabharata, and quite frankly, it's the base of common sense in social interaction. If everyone would apply it, George W. Bush, Mahmud Ahmadinejad, and Kim Jong Il could proclaim World Peace in a press conference the very next day.
Treat the others like you want to be treated yourself.
Deep shit, dude. Also, it's not that hard to apply. And if you apply it, then Eeeebony aaaand Iiiiivory live together in peeerfect haaaaarmony....don't worry, I'll stop singing now.
Lesson 2 - The Basic Idea of Interpunction
sometimes sentences end that's just the way it is there's no reason to worry though because the internet doesn't have a I only take one sentence post function if you read up until this part you probably might have noticed that it's kinda hard to follow the text because it's not always perfectly obvious where one sentence ended and where the next one begins so if you'd just start using those commas and points on your keyboard I would really appreciate that thanks
Lssn 3 - Typg cmplt wrdz wl n/kill teh net. Or ur keyb.
Rly. T wn't. U no?
Lassen 4 - Now ur lengridge.
Did you know that "they're", "their" and "there" have completely different meanings in the English language? Astounding, isn't it. Even more astounding is the fact that two thirds of the people reaching the forums from the United States are apparently completely unaware of this phenomenon. I'd make a Dubya crack here, but: Nah.
The point is, no one expects you speak flawless English. I'm a non-native-speaker myself, and I'm still having trouble with those stupid prepositions sometimes. But you could at least try. If I could understand the difference between "your" and "you're" as a ten-year-old, I am confident you can do the same. I have faith.
LESSON 5 - COULD YOU PLEASE TURN DOWN YOUR STEREO?
TYPING LIKE THIS IS REALLY NOT APPRECIATED. WANNA KNOW WHY? IT IS THE NET EQUIVALENT OF SCREAMING. AND WE'RE NOT DEAF. AT LEAST, WE WEREN'T UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP.
Lesson 6 - Hey! Look! I can totally change the fonts 'n color 'n shit!
Hey! Look! I will totally ignore you now because not only did you make your post completely unreadable, you also exhibited the maturity of the average six-year-old! And everyone else will ignore you, as well!
Lesson 7 - Google is not out to kill your firstborn.
One of the most important lessons, ever. About 90 per cent of useless questions could be avoided if people just relied on search engines instead of annoying others. You don't like Google because it collects important data about you? Well, get used to the program, and since you're most likely from That Country With That Patriot Act, Google finding out what you wanted to buy on Ebay is really, really the least of your problems with freedom.
Or, even better, you use Altavista, Yahoo, the MS fucking N search engine or one of the bazillion others.
Lesson 8 - know thy surroundings.
Imagine it like this. Instead of the swinger's club you are aquainted with, you accidentally stumble into the nearest book club. Imagine the others surprised looks when you casually take off your pants and start rubbing your body against the nearest girl or guy. After that, things most certainly get awkward. And people tend to call the police.
See? So if you want to talk about your homoerotic fantasies, www.ihatefags.com is probably the wrong place. Likewise, no one wants to hear your faszinating theories regarding Warcraft strategy if you're posting it in a forum dedicated to the mating habits of the several species of Pelicanidae in South America.
Hint: You don't have to boast into every forum you possibly find, only the ones you're interested in.
Lesson 9 - Please do not feed the troll.
You're in a forum dedicated to, say, the incredibly interesting hobby of collecting paperclips. (Dear people of paperclips.com - Don't judge me.) Suddenly, some newbie uses his very first post to barge in on your discussion with the startling fact that paperclips collections cause your penis to shrink and everybody affiliated with that hobby is actually a child molester. In response, do you:
a) Rebutt that idiot by telling him his momma is a total whore, because she, like, slept with your neighbours poodle the other day
b) Try to reason with the confused individual, patiently explaining in excruciating detail the joys of your paperclip hobby, rallying your friends to defend the paperclipper's honour
c) Run instantly to the moderator, screaming bloody murder and insist the offender's account is to be vaporized immediately, annoying the crap out of the poor soul who moderates your board in his/her freetime for no compensation at all
d) Simply fail to rise to the bait, causing the Troll to starve, wither, and die, and we all live happily ever after.
Lesson 10 - No, I really have cancer this time. Really.
Generic Forum. The poster having the moniker "SeemsLikeANiceGirl" posts in a new thread: "I just returned from my doctor. He said I have cancer in the last stage. I have only six months to live."
Naturally, the thread soon is full of well-wishes, "oh-you-poor-girl" and the like. If you monitor it more closely however, the more senior forum members, and the admins, refrain from posting in that thread. Surely they just haven't seen it, or are too busy, you say. No one is so heartless as not to react to that.
If you follow up the next weeks, there are no further posts by SeemsLikeANiceGirl. Nothing relating how the symptoms progress, how she's coping, if she's even still alive, nothing. Absurdidly, forum life goes on, no one even seems to care. Why this? There's a poor soul suffering somewhere!
Fast forward a few months later. A forum poster called SeemsLikeANiceGirl posts: "I just had a call from my doctor. She says I have Leucemia and I have only one year to live."
What happened? Easy. That's a troll, too. They come in quite some variants: "My dog got run over by a car." - "I have the AIDS. (of course, by blood transfusion after a horrible accident)." - "My brother-in-law works on the set of VeryFamousTelevisionShow and I have been behind the scenes several times now. I know all the insider scoop." - "I live in the Center of a war zone and my life is constantly in danger." - "I am the neighbor of Angela Merkel and I know what underwear she wears. "(eww) - "I am dying of syphilis, and also, my daughter just got hit by a bus." - "I once saved three orphans from drowning, and nobody thanked me." - "I am in talks with producers of NotYetProducedTelevisionShow, and am confident we will be on FOX in the Fall season with the virtual season I am writing".
Yeah. Riiiiight. As with the more obvious variety of trolls: Starve them.
Lesson 11 - Just because Daddy pays your Internet provider, doesn't mean everything on the Internet is free.
Yeah, of course you did just lose your cd. And your codebook. And your manual. And while we're at it, your extremely legal collection of mp3's.
But either you suck it up and buy the damn game, or acquire the necessary H3xx0r sk1llz to steal it from some shady site. But don't annoy the posters who just want to chill out talking about their games.
N00b.
Lesson 12 - Häy A Grrrrl Letz cyber !!1!1!!!1
Look, I know. You're male, you're a geek, and your expertise of the female anatomy consists of that cartoon I saw the other day, where Sailor Mercury is flashing her boobs and seductively waving with a dildo, telling me I can <japanese symbol> her <japanese symbol> if I only pay 699 Yen per <japanese symbol>(Err. Hint: clicking on random links in a language you don't understand can be REALLY hazardous for your mental health sometimes. 'Nuff said.)
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
But comments like those in the title don't make it exactly easy for the non-nerd faction (of both genders) to consider you mature enough to warrant a continued conversation, instead of a well-deserved "Fuck off and die."
Lesson 13 - We're about as interested in your genital warts as everyone else is.
No, seriously. No, seriously. No, don't post pictures. Please. And remember that sometimes your internet friends can be as grossed out by you as your real-life friends are. Go find the appropriate forum if you want to talk about it. (And since I just found out that buttfuck dot com is a real internet address, I'm quite sure there's an appropriate forum for your more... special... needs, too.)
Lesson 14 - Now if only I could figure out how to click this link...
I find it amazing sometimes. There are people out there who, while not really figuring out how to operate their opposable thumbs, are somehow able to log into this newfangled "Interweb" and - you guessed it - annoy. Here's a particularly good example:
I have a little webspace at my uni where I have uploaded some uni scripts and cheat-cheets, just so people don't have to search as long to find them as I had to. One day, I receive an email with the following sentence in it:
"Well, I would have gotten some of your files, but there wasn't a download anywhere." -
The "download" was a link which you click, and the download starts. I assumed some of my links were broken, and asked him back which downloads he tried. None, because there are none, he replied. After some back-and-forth I realized: This guy didn't try to click my links because I didn't label them with "Download" or "Download now!", but the actual file name, and he thought if he clicked them he would simply leave the site. Please also bear in mind this guy is going the same university as I do. So, he's kind of part of the so-called intellectual elite of this country.
I can never guess if guys like him are simple stoned up the wazoo, are so plain stupid they probably receive their Darwin Awards in the very near future, or if they are just screwing with my mind and pushing my buttons.
Some day in the future, I'll figure it out. And then I'll probably weep for humanity.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Fun with Electricity. And Australians.
So, I heard about Australians plans of prohibiting light bulbs. I admit, the picture forming in my mind of twenty million people sitting in the dark and waiting for the attack of the man-eating kangaroos amuses me mightily. Ooh, maybe they hang candles on their hats instead of corks then to fight the darkness. Although even a light breeze should disabuse them of the notion, what with the hot wax in their eyes and the burn scars and all. (This stereotype-Ass-tical rambling has been sponsored by Inappropriate Inc. :"If you're not offended, our job isn't done.")
Okay, okay. So they only want to ban the non-energy-saving light bulbs in an effort to combat Global Warming. This new policy would be nice. And it would save a little energy, I guess. And since Mr Turnbull can't get his mates to finally ratifying that damn Kyoto thing, like every other industrialized nation has done(except for them steenky Americans, but harping on the Bush administration will have to wait until another blog post. Or, more likely, at least a dozen.), it's nice to see he's at least doing something.
But:
Have you ever wondered how many energy you save when you turn off the light in unused rooms? Well, on a sixty Watts bulb, you'll save 60 Watt. Duh. No, actually, I mean in regards of the total energy your household uses. Lookit these two pictures (click to enlarge) :
The left one assumes an average household, as in: Somewhere between Alaska and Mexico. The right one is applicaple if you're living in a part of the world where it snows in winter and there's rarely need for air conditioning in summer (like my little corner).
Even though the two diagrams I googled differ, we see a trend: the most energy goes out the window to prevent our toes and fingers from freezing off. And the second largest part is needed so we won't catch pneunomia in our morning shower. (And annoy our neighbors with the constant screaming.)
Notice the "lighting" part? It's rather small, in both pictures. So even if we reduce the energy used there to one fifth (and that's assuming all Australians are trashing all their still-functioning light bulbs, replacing them immediately, and won't buy any extra lamps or other appliances again, ever), you'll probably save 4 % of the energy used, if you're generous.
For reference: you'll save the same amount of energy in your household if you just don't put your stove right next to your refrigerator (6 per cent if you're stupid enough to put your stove right next to your freezer).
Or: You'll save another six per cent if you turn down your heating in winter, just by one degree Celsius.
Or: All Australians abandon their driers and hang their clothes in the eucalyptus trees to dry: 5% less.
Or: you don't pre-heat your oven when baking apple pie. Every non-pre-heated pie saves 20 % of your stoves energy used.
Or: Y'all shearers grab your machines, shave your koala and kangaroo population nekkid, and glue them around your houses for insulation(the furs, not the naked animals, you perverts.): a whopping 20 per cent less heating in winter, and around 10 per cent less air-conditioning in summer.
So, don't get me wrong, Mr. Turnbull. Saving 4 per cent energy is good, and I support that. But if this is your only strategy to combat Global Warming? Then consider yourself a good-ol'-fashioned idiot.
Okay, okay. So they only want to ban the non-energy-saving light bulbs in an effort to combat Global Warming. This new policy would be nice. And it would save a little energy, I guess. And since Mr Turnbull can't get his mates to finally ratifying that damn Kyoto thing, like every other industrialized nation has done(except for them steenky Americans, but harping on the Bush administration will have to wait until another blog post. Or, more likely, at least a dozen.), it's nice to see he's at least doing something.
But:
Have you ever wondered how many energy you save when you turn off the light in unused rooms? Well, on a sixty Watts bulb, you'll save 60 Watt. Duh. No, actually, I mean in regards of the total energy your household uses. Lookit these two pictures (click to enlarge) :
The left one assumes an average household, as in: Somewhere between Alaska and Mexico. The right one is applicaple if you're living in a part of the world where it snows in winter and there's rarely need for air conditioning in summer (like my little corner).
Even though the two diagrams I googled differ, we see a trend: the most energy goes out the window to prevent our toes and fingers from freezing off. And the second largest part is needed so we won't catch pneunomia in our morning shower. (And annoy our neighbors with the constant screaming.)
Notice the "lighting" part? It's rather small, in both pictures. So even if we reduce the energy used there to one fifth (and that's assuming all Australians are trashing all their still-functioning light bulbs, replacing them immediately, and won't buy any extra lamps or other appliances again, ever), you'll probably save 4 % of the energy used, if you're generous.
For reference: you'll save the same amount of energy in your household if you just don't put your stove right next to your refrigerator (6 per cent if you're stupid enough to put your stove right next to your freezer).
Or: You'll save another six per cent if you turn down your heating in winter, just by one degree Celsius.
Or: All Australians abandon their driers and hang their clothes in the eucalyptus trees to dry: 5% less.
Or: you don't pre-heat your oven when baking apple pie. Every non-pre-heated pie saves 20 % of your stoves energy used.
Or: Y'all shearers grab your machines, shave your koala and kangaroo population nekkid, and glue them around your houses for insulation(the furs, not the naked animals, you perverts.): a whopping 20 per cent less heating in winter, and around 10 per cent less air-conditioning in summer.
So, don't get me wrong, Mr. Turnbull. Saving 4 per cent energy is good, and I support that. But if this is your only strategy to combat Global Warming? Then consider yourself a good-ol'-fashioned idiot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
