Call me Kassandra.

Or Kassander? Kassandrus? Kassius? Hm. Nah.

Okay, the good news is: I am apparently gifted with the Second Sight. Because right after predicting an earthquake in South East Asia in my last post, Sumatra was shook up by an 8.4 magnitude quake just the day after. (Thankfully, no tsunami this time)
The bad news? Apparently, prediction number two came true only two fucking weeks afterwards.

Tuesday morning, 6.30 a.m., about ten minutes before I have to leave for work, my mom comes in. And she is looking at my with That Face. That awful face I saw quite too many times already. That face telling you to make a quick rundown on all your family members and close friends, remember their age, habits and eventual diseases, and start the lottery, and think the dreadful thought of hoping the winner is someone you dislike, because said winner? You won't have to deal with him/her again, ever, because he/she won the one-way ticket straight to Hell, do not pass Go, to not collect 200 bucks, no refunds.
So while I'm collecting the various members out of my grandfather's generation I still have after the death orgy of 98-01 in my head, I ask the awful question:

Teshik: Who?
Mom: Uncle [Wulfman].

First thought: Wait a minute. Dad's uncle [Wulfman] already died over ten years ago, didn't he? Plus, we weren't that close...
Second thought: ...and we don't have any other [Wulfman]'s in the family, except for my uncle, who was named after him...
Third thought: ...oh. CRAP.

My uncle, dad's brother, is - was - barely fifty. We only held sporadic contact for several years now, because of a major fallout between my mother and my uncle's wife, who I will call Walpurga, during yet another funeral. But weird as we all are, family is always family.

So Walpurga and my mom had their first phone call for several years Tuesday morning? No. My Mom read the obituaries in the newspapers, to learn her brother-in-law had been dead for SIX DAYS. And the funeral was to take place on Thursday.
And bear in mind that Wednesday, October 3rd is Reunification Day, so no work, and because of this short notice, it wasn't possible for me or Scorpio to get a day off so we could attend the funeral set at 1 p.m., and my sister only managed that because she had to work on Wednesday, the national holiday, (her shitty workplace is a post-worthy topic for another time).

The best part? My Dad, who's really close with his brother, was already at work that day, and we knew that a) he usually isn't reachable there by phone, and b) he reads the same paper, including the obituaries, during his break. Boy, was there a juicy surprise for him waiting.

So, after work, we scrambled to get a wreath, and notify the rest of the family, who wasn't informed either. One would've understood Walpurga doesn't want to deal with my Mom, since they positively hate each other, but apparently no one of our side of the family was informed, except for her children (who naturally assumed Walpurga would tell us. Or at least, someone.). Only Walpurga's family already knew. So it seems her plan was to have only her "good" family around, and our part of the tree, who she never held high regard for in the first place, would exhibit bad form by not even showing up to give her husband the last honor, cementing for all time what shitheads we actually are. Gods, I am so fucking mad at this woman I want to slap the stupid out of her with a baseball bat. And then throw piss into her fucking face.

So after we've already buried everyone in my grandfather's generation, and after burying Dad's sister in 2005, I guess it's now about time my father's generation thins out. Sometimes I think I should just stay in the black clothes, get some decent pale makeup, go goth and be done with it already.

Partly I wrote this post to rant about my asshole aunt. Partly because I wasn't at my uncle's funeral and didn't have the chance to properly say goodbye. So I'm doing this now, in the most public way possible.

Hi du. Tut mir leid, daß ich nicht bei deiner Beerdigung dabei sein konnte. Ich steh zwar auf dem Kranz für dich mit drauf, aber ich war noch nicht bei dir am Grab, das werd ich diese Woche noch nachholen, versprochen. Ich werde mir auch einen hübschen Stein für dich aussuchen. Vielleicht so einen rotblonden mit grauen Streifen drin, so wie dein Schnurrbart.
Ich hab dich ganz doll lieb. Und ich werd dich tierisch vermissen. Grüß Oma und Opa von mir, ja? Auf Wiedersehen.


Erde zu Erde.

Asche zu Asche.

Staub zu Staub.